Chasing the Positive vs. Avoiding the Negative

Most people spend more energy trying not to fail than actually trying to succeed...

Have you ever noticed how much energy we spend worrying about what not to do? In sport, in school and even in everyday life, we often find ourselves stuck in a cycle of trying to avoid mistakes rather than chasing success. This is what psychologists call approach vs. avoidance motivation. Both are about the same situation, but the mindset makes all the difference. Avoiding a negative is when we focus on what we don’t want to happen. For example:

• In cricket, a batsman may focus on all the ways they could get out.
• In golf, a player may obsess over the water hazard or the road they don't want to hit the ball into.
• In teenage life, a student might think: “I can’t mess up this presentation or everyone will laugh at me.”

The problem? When our mind is filled with what we don’t want, it actually increases the chances of those very things happening. We become anxious, tense, and overly cautious. Chasing a positive, on the other hand, means focusing on the outcome we do want.

• A batter thinking: “How can I score runs today?”
• A golfer imagining exactly where they want the ball to land.
• A student saying: “I want to make my friends laugh with this one line in my presentation.”

This shift changes everything. Instead of fear driving your actions, confidence does. Instead of obsessing over mistakes, you’re building towards success.The science backs this up: focusing on positive goals engages the brain’s approach system, which creates motivation, creativity, and resilience. Focusing only on avoiding mistakes activates the avoidance system, which is linked to anxiety and stress.The truth is:

• We aren’t immediately punished for thinking negatively, but it slowly chips away at confidence.
• We aren’t immediately rewarded for focusing positively, but it builds habits that stack up into success.

Whether on the sports field, in exams, or in daily teenage struggles, the lesson is the same: play to win, not just to avoid losing. So next time your teen is worried about “what not to do”, try flipping the script. Ask them:

• “What do you actually want to happen here?”
• “What’s the outcome you’d love to see?”

Just like we practice physical activities and skills, we need to practice thinking in a way that we want to think when stressful times come about. This means emphasizing the practice of these thoughts even during times of practice.

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